To be very transparent, I had written something else for this newsletter’s maiden voyage. I think those words will one day see the light of day, but perhaps not. I often write things that are never seen, but by myself and one of my dozen notebooks, or hurriedly written in notes on my iphone. I often write because the words are nearly bursting out of me like pot of sauce bubbling over its edges. Call it that that magical, hard to describe, impossible to predict, thing we call inspiration, or call it therapy. I’m sure at times, it’s both. The act of writing thoughts and ideas down helps me to process the cacophony, that endless dialogue constantly running through my brain. I picture it a bit like a field sheep, each one grazing and doing their thing and then out runs a working dog and very quickly a slightly more excited and alert energy grips the herd. In a few graceful passes she has got them neatly and calmly bunched up and heading for a precise gap in the fencing. Off to the next pasture they go. My thoughts are a bit like that. Do their thing, get rattled by something, push through a clear gap in my thinking, onto paper they go and then on to the next pasture. I know I’m not a great writer, but one does not need to be a great writer to write - just like one does not need to be a chef to cook. The thing that keeps those ideas trapped in the dark is fear. Ah yes, fear. My old friend. I’m guessing you have a friend named fear too.
Does your friend prevent you from sharing your brilliant ideas? Mine does. Does your friend wake you up with anxiety in the middle of the night? Mine does. Does your friend make you feel small? Like an imposter? Like you’ll be a complete failure and hugely embarrassed for even attempting something slightly out of your comfort zone? Mine does. Mine does. Mine does. If anyone in your life treated you this way you would be crazy to call them your friend, and yet I still consider fear my friend.
At times in my life I’ve been too bogged down with tasks or depleted energy to push past the fear. I’ve come to realise that’s completely ok with me. It takes a lot of energy and courage to silence that niggling voice that tells you that someone else has done it better, someone else will do it better and you should just not even try. I understand this is not always possible when you are feeling fragile.
I’m going through a huge period of transition in my life. Over a year ago I left a steady job running a beautiful restaurant in Sydney. I had been there for six years, and with the same company for eight. In fact, just to get there I had taken a huge leap of faith and moved from America to Australia to take the job. Fear was absolutely present, but back then I felt strong, blindly confident and I chose to let the possibilities drive the car instead of the fear. Fast forward those eight years and I was feeling exhausted, depleted and more anxious than ever. I had an amazing run and the restaurant was - and still is - loved by many, but I had lost that confidence and joy for life which is me at my best. I absolutely could not shake myself out of that place no matter how many breaks or vacations or meditation sessions I had. The one thing that got me out of that place was fear. In this case, fear of remaining in this perpetual state of exhaustion and anxiety propelled me to make some changes. A very good friend, indeed.
Fast forward again and the ugly side of fear was back in my rearview mirror and as the saying goes, “objects in the mirror are closer than they appear”. Very quickly fear was back, nipping at my ankles. Had I made a mistake? Could I ever earn enough money on my own? Would people like my recipes or read my words or was simply I pretending to be a chef and didn’t have any of the qualities needed to be a great one? Maybe I couldn’t cook after all?! I wish I could tell you that I have learned to silence the fear because my god, it really slows things down. Rather, I am spending the more ample free time I have now doing things that make me feel strong and creative. To fear I say “Thank you for being here. You are welcome to have a seat in the waiting room, I’ll be with you shortly.” Because sadly, I know I will be. These moments of blind confidence are fleeting. But while we are here, I would love to share some food and ideas that bring me comfort, I hope you will enjoy them, cook without fear and share your work with people you love because that’s what it’s all about.
This week’s recipe is an adaptation of one of Elizabeth David’s greats from her book French Provincial Cooking (Penguin Books 1960) “Poulet sauté aux olives de Provence”. It’s a tried-and-true favourite for its simplicity and delicious flavour. I always find myself craving tomatoes this time of year, maybe it’s my Northern hemisphere primordial cells confused at the swap in seasons or the images on Instagram of beautiful bright and juicy tomatoes, whatever it is, a good, tinned tomato is the answer to this for those of us down under. If you’re in the North, by all means, use fresh tomatoes as this is the peak time for their flavour. David uses a whole chicken and I, instead, have written this for bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs as I prefer how juicy they remain. I also prefer to leave the pits in my olives as I think it keeps them juicier and I quite like the act of separating a pit from the olive in my mouth. BUT! you need to warn everyone who will be eating this dish if you choose to leave them in. If you want to add pitted olives for ease, reduce the quantity to 80g instead of the 115g listed with pits in.
A note on portion sizes: I will always write recipes that are slightly larger portions than what most recipes would prescribe. I like to be generous with food, I never want people to go hungry and I can’t think of anything worse than giving you a recipe that doesn’t feed the amount of people listed properly. So for this recipe I’m using 6 large chicken thighs (and saying this feeds 4 people) but you know your people. Scale it up or down depending on how much you think they would like.
One more note: apologies for the cropping in the video, ill get the hang of this one day! Be sure to click “read more” to view the full recipe and video. Bon appétit!
Chicken thighs with white wine, tomato and olives
